After writing Scream, Kevin Williamson wrote another popular 90s Horror film called I Know What You Did Last Summer, which we will be taking a look at this month. He also wrote a TV Show that aired around that time called Dawsons Creek, which is too terrifying for me to watch.
As always, tons of spoilers ahead. You’ve been warned!
A few months ago, I started watching this movie. About a half hour in, I stopped it for the night, and never remembered/cared enough to watch the rest. Until now! Probably not a good sign for this film.
The story is about 4 “teenagers”, all played by actors who are at least 25. They are played by Jennifer Love Hewitt, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Freddie Prinze Junior, and Ryan Phillippe, who didn’t bother to get a third name for the movie.
The “kids” are out partying to celebrate SMG’s victory at a beauty pageant. They drink and tell ghost stories and have sex on the beach, you know, the normal party stuff. While driving home, distracted by a very drunk Ryan Phillippe, Freddie hits a man with his car. Rather than calling the cops, they dump the body in the ocean.
Flash forward to a year later! JLH comes home from college, and her mom accuses her of doing drugs. This summer is going to be great! JLH already looks like the creepy girl fron the Grudge, and this movie has barely started. (note to self, review “The Grudge”)
Then, JLH gets a letter that says “I Know What You Did Last Summer!” A bit predictable, given the title of the movie, but it think its the big happy handwriting that ruins this moment for me. The bad guy may as well have typed the note in Comic Sans.
JLH goes to see SMG and show her the note. They talk about how nobody could possibly know about their secret because they were SO GOOD at keeping it. They talk about this loudly in a store with other people in it.
They meet up with the boys, and they assume that it was Johnny Galecki (Leonard, from the Big Bang Theory) who sent the note. So Ryan Phillippe threatens him with a big, sharp, hook.
Its also worth pointing out that this movie takes place during the 9 months in the 90s when girls were fooled into thinking that overalls were an acceptable fashion choice.
To anyone who, like the main characters, assumed that Johnny Galecki sent the note, think again, as he is killed (surprise!) with a big, sharp, hook.
Ryan Phillippe goes to the gym to work out, then strips naked and takes a shower. (Ladies, get your ladyboners ready!) When he goes back to get dressed, he sees a polaroid of his car parked outside, and realizes his jacket, with his car keys in the pocket, is gone. He rushes outside to see someone stealing his car. But don’t worry, Ryan! You’ll get it back! The car theif changes direction and then tries to run down Ryan Phillippe, who runs away from it in a straight line. Want to take bets as to whether he can outrun a BMW? (He can’t. Squish!)
Ryan lives though, and they all meet up in his hospital room, with the door open, to talk some more about how they murdered a dude and have to keep it secret. They decide that whoever is doing this is probably related to David Egan, the guy they killed, so they go do some research on their 1997 laptop. I was going to make fun of it for being old and shitty, but my laptop is surprisingly similar. May be time for me to upgrade. Getting a bit off topic, though.
So the ladies go to meet with David Egan’s sister, Anne Heche, who is a total space cadet. She says she didn’t really know any of David’s friends, but a guy named “Billy Blue” came by a few times right after he died. Then SMG goes home. She falls asleep and when she wakes up, a bunch of her hair is cut off and “Soon” is written on her mirror in lipstick.
This movie is dragging! Please, can somebody just die already?
JLH finds a dead body in her trunk with some crabs. Then it’s gone. The people blame Freddie Prinze Jr., then unblame him. Then they argue for a while. Then there’s a parade for some reason. SMG is in it because she’s a beauty queen, and Ryan tags along on the float, because he looks like he just got hit by a car, and the parade organizers thought that would look just as glamorous. Meanwhile, JLH is out by herself to revisit Anne Heche. Freddie is not helping at all, so we can be tricked into thinking he’s behind it for a while longer.
Anne Heche tells JLH that David committed suicide. He left behind a note that says “I will never forget last summer” in the same handwriting as the other notes. Jennifer realizes that someone else killed him, someone else who was there. Then she realizes that the person they hit and dumped into the river was NOT David Egan.
The parade culminates in a beauty pageant. SMG, as last year’s winner is sitting on stage. Ryan Phillippe, hangs on on a deserted balcony all by himself, because that’s a good idea. SMG sees the killer on the balcony and starts freaking the fuck out on stage pointing at the balcony and yelling about a killer up there. Everyone, in this very packed room, just watches her freak out. Nobody out of curiousity even turns to look at what she’s pointing at. A cop goes up to look at the balcony and there is no killer, no body, no blood. Apparently it was one of those super quick, super tidy murders.
A cop takes SMG home, and is a total dick disbelieving her. He also takes a back alley and then stops to help a motorist with some car trouble. Surprise! the motorist is actually the murderer, a fisherman with a hook, and SMG is locked in the back of a cop car. She manages to escape from the car, but the hook killer follows her. She flees to her sister’s dress store. Then the hook killer murders both her AND her sister.
JLH figures out that David Egan accidentally killed his girlfriend in a car accident about a year before they hit a guy, and she assumes that the person after them is Ben Willis, the dead girlfriend’s father. This whole thing is a bit convoluted. At this point I almost hope it is Freddie, since at least there’s more of an emotional connection there than “the father of a girl who was accidentally killed by a guy in a car nearby where these people accidentally maybe killed a different guy with a car or something”.
She tracks down Freddie Prinze Jr. and sums up who she thinks the killer is, and he says “That’s crazy.” I agree! Then she realizes the boat is called “Billy Blue” and assumes he’s the killer. She runs away and then gets on the boat of the REAL killer, who is in fact, the crazy father of the girl. Then there’s a fairly typical Final Girl/Killer chase scene. Only this time, the final girl doesn’t win by her own ingenuity, she wins by being rescued by Freddie Prinze Jr., which is less satisfying.
The killer dies, but doesn’t really, all to set up the sequel!
It’s almost worth watching, just to see how hook obsessed it is. They’re always talking about the hook-handed psycho of urban legend, the killer kills with hooks, Freddie Prinze Jr. and the killer fight each other, each using a hook as a weapon. In the end, the killer even loses a hand, so that in the future, he can literally have a hook for a hand, and won’t have to carry one with him.
Scream was a classic. This one? Not so much.
Catch up on past installments:
Halloween (1978)
The Amityville Horror (1979)
The Last Exorcism
Friday the 13th (1980)
Scream 4
Scream 3
Freddy Vs. Jason
Scream 2
Scream
Red State
April Fool’s Day (1986)
Leprechaun
A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)
Valentine
Jason X
Jason Goes to Hell – The Final Friday
Friday the 13th Part VII: Jason Takes Manhattan
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